Never Think

We had dinner tonight at Cheesecake Factory. There is going to come to be a point when I don't think I'll ever be able to eat there again. It's become this place where I have to bury my hurt and try to be an OK person who can look at you when she wants to break down.

I bawled for about the first hour and a half of my drive. Now I don't know what to think. I feel like I need Heather on speed dial to make it so that I don't want to curl up in a ball and die. I'm living appointment to appointment. I guess at least the next appointment is Monday. I'm coming up with a list of things that I'm going to tell her beforehand. I don't know if I'm going to tell you or not. You want an answer now. You want to go to Seattle. You know that means the end. You can't be that naive. I feel like things never are what they should be with you. I feel like there are so many ways in which you don't demonstrate love for me. And it's that, and all the other reasons you have given me, that causes me to not believe your love. I know you're going to go. I know that now. I don't know why you're not admitting it. But I know. I think the only thing I can do at this point is shut down my heart. I don't know why it had to be like this. I guess now I need to mourn my life as I knew it.

I should never think 

What's in your heart 

What's in our home 

So I won't

You'll learn to hate me 

But still call me baby 

Oh, love 

So call me by my name 

And save your soul 

Save your soul 

Before you're too far gone 

Before nothing can be done